This past month was hard!
First off, my cat died this week. Her name was Sundance. She woke up very sick and the cost of testing alone was more than I had to put towards her healing. I decided to say goodbye to her which was also hard because we are not together. So via facetime I bid her farewell with my aunt by her side. She was 20 years old. Lived a full life. And was the best cat to many people, not just me. She will be missed.
I spent most of my month actively healing from what was a stomach virus the first week and then COVID the second week, which manifested as a 3-4 week solitary healing period. Not being in a solid home space at the moment definitely contributed to the stress of wanting to get better and being the only one to help myself out. Though, a friend of mine brought over a reishi mushroom tincture and some echinacea root tea that was a big help.
My symptoms subsided the week following my positive result which I was thankful for because fever sweating through my bedsheets 5 nights straight put my body through the ringer. The only lingering symptom I have which I’m equally thankful for and also so intrigued by is skin shedding. It started on the palms of my hands and then feet but it’s like I put a skin peeling mask on my feet and am shedding like a snake.
Even though I was spending more time alone than I have this past month, I still feel like I wasn’t spending time with myself. I was spending time with a sick self that I was actively trying to say goodbye to, heal, and send on her way. My routine prior to getting sick went out the window. My body became lethargic and stagnant. I didn’t look like myself. And I was too tired to do a lot of things.
In the midst of healing I was able to work, remotely facilitating an event. This was the first income I’ve had for 4 months. I’m so thankful it came through, easing some of the financial pressure I’ve been feeling lately. Still, it made me realize how unsustainable my current career frequency is. I thought I could maintain a consistent income not being present on social media. I truly believe if I didn’t unexpectedly get shaken from the house I was renting earlier this year that I would’ve been able to in the time that I had. But unfortunately that has not been the case and I am faced with the reality that in my line of work, in the state of this world, for me to survive within capitalism I have to amplify my presence as much as I can and being off of social media is no longer an option for me.
As complex as my relationship with the internet is, I’m thankful I’ve had this year off to assess my feelings without the constant stimulation. One of the reasons that initiated me leaving was how deeply intertwined my financial livelihood was with apps like Instagram. I wanted to expand and explore “offline” to increase the opportunities that weren’t solely coming to me in my DM’s. Even though they weren’t frequent enough to keep up with my monthly output, I still learned a lot and was able to stretch muscles I wouldn’t have been able to had I not left.
I’ll be returning to the digital lands on my ten toes December 21. Follow @earthtojordi, I will be posting from that account linking one that I will use more often so please subscribe. My hope is to experiment more socially. Folding in pleasure into my presence online while still prioritizing the expansion I want off of it. I’m looking forward to the day that my financial stability is connected more to the weight of my work, the scope of the people it affects, and the deep resolve people have to contact me in a plethora of ways to give me my bag. Until then I’ll see you soon if that’s somewhere you are. If it isn’t, I’m glad we still have spaces like these to share information. I’m always open to hearing from you. Just hit reply and your message will come to me. I hope you are in good health and doing well. Tchau!
Xo Jordiana
P.S. If you are a Sagittarius hit me up for a 15% off discount code for anything in my store!
